Chronic Illness · My Health Stuff

New Symptoms or Just a Bad Day?

I’ve had some really bizarre emotional things going on today. Physically, I’m not doing too well either, but that is due to the weather suddenly shifting again (I hope).

I guess we’ll start at the beginning.

monday skiing 04
Me skiing at Beaver Creek.

We wanted to go skiing today. My arm has been killing me, and last night it randomly got really bad, pushing me to tears several times. No idea why, because I’ve been doing what I’m supposed to (exercise wise). We set an alarm for 5:45am (to get up there by the time the lifts opened), but we also had the condition of “we’ll see how you feel” (meaning how I felt, Dan said it). At 5:45, Dan asks how I’m feeling, so I had to lay there and force myself awake long enough to do a self assessment. Then I moved and pain shot through my arm. Not good. I told Dan and we decided not to go skiing.

That, as it turns out, was a phenomenal decision.

We went back to sleep. vintage clock macroMy alarm always goes off at 9am (on non-school days). I felt completely drained at 9am, so I turned it off and went back to sleep. I woke up just after 10am, but barely. I kind of woke up and was aware that I needed to get up, but I had to force myself to unglue my eyes (thank you, allergies) and to move various parts of my body. I got up, and realized nothing wanted to bend or function properly. Ugh. I also still couldn’t wake up. What the heck? I mean, I was conscious, but I felt like I was just having a very vivid dream.

I’d gotten a text from the pharmacy saying that a prescription was ready, but I had no idea which one. So I called, and found out it was the Corlanor I wasn’t expecting until Monday! HUZZAH! I’d forgotten to call my doc to get a sample, so I was going to run out before Monday. To the pharmacy!!! I was still feeling crappy, so Dan drove. I also wasn’t showered (I need one, it’s been a bit), and I didn’t want to get dressed with a bra and jeans, so I just sat in the car and read. I like the time with Dan, even if it is a few minutes in the car listening to the radio and not saying anything to each other. We ran a few errands (I went into Ace and Panera, but I didn’t do the pharmacy or grocery store). When we went into Panera, Dan was handling me very gently, which I thought was a little odd because I hadn’t said anything about how horrible I was really feeling. I ordered a chai tea latte (I love chai tea). After we ordered, Dan suggested we sit instead of waiting for our to go order (did I seriously look that dead?!), so we sat (well, I feel that dead so I’m not going to complain). When he brought my tea over, in the to-go cup with the heat guard on it, I couldn’t even hold it. Then Dan said “you seem to be having a sensitive day, I’m really glad we didn’t go skiing.” He’s getting better at this.

I managed to overheat, without drinking my tea, before we got home (it took about 5-10 minutes). Sitting on the couch, I tried to remove my pullover hoodie. I tried to get it off right when Dan walked off. stuck in shirtMy arm wouldn’t lift such that I could finish getting it off, so I got stuck in it. “Help!” He had to come save me. He was giggling because he had literally just walked away, and I said “I’m a toddler.” We were both laughing.

Suddenly, I realize my eyes are wet. I figured I was just laughing too hard. Then Dan said, “did you hurt your arm again?” Well, no, I hadn’t. But after he asked that I realized I was actually just crying, not laughing. What?! My husband knew I was crying before I did. Um, what?! I have no idea what happened. NO IDEA. This is definitely not the first time I’ve needed help out of a shirt/jacket. This is, however, the first time I have started crying without any inkling as to what was causing it. Seriously, I had no clue. I was crying pretty hard, and told Dan I didn’t know what was going on. He said he thought it might have something to do with the fact that it was funny that I got stuck, but also kind of sad that it happened again. I stopped crying fairly quickly. Then, after a few more minutes, I suddenly start bawling. Again, WHAT?! He was so sweet. He just stopped what he was doing (getting our food out so we could eat it), and curled up around me on the couch, rubbing my good arm and one leg. I kept saying I had no idea what was happening and he kept saying “I know, it’s okay.” It was a sweet moment, but I also think it kind of scared both of us. I was crying really hard, like, meltdown level hard (while struggling not to, so it didn’t feel good). I managed to force myself to stop after a little while, and we ate and played Mario Party 8.

I did hurt my arm while we played (the Wii is definitely an easy system to hurt yourself playing). When I gave a slight whimper, and dropped my Wiimote, Dan picked up his phone to determine if he has the number for our insurance in it so he can find a neurologist for me. It was really sweet of him, but I’m really worried. I have NEVER had anything like this happen emotionally. Usually, if I start crying and can’t identify a trigger, I can at least tell I’m really sad or fragile… or maybe I can pinpoint several things that have added up to the tears. I seriously have no idea what is going on. This random emotional tidal wave, plus the persistent arm pain, has me very worried about the state of my nervous system. I know the brain is the neurological control center, and the emotional control center, so I’m worried that something is crossed or impacting both. Either way, I definitely need to get that neurology appointment.

menschliches nervensystem

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8 thoughts on “New Symptoms or Just a Bad Day?

    1. Yup, that’s kind of what I thought but it didn’t make sense 😛 this was way worse than monthly mod swings, and it’s definitely not menopause, and it’s not a baby 😛 (I don’t mind if you’re “behind” I like that you read them and interact with me!)

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  1. You apparently have a thorough grasp on your triggers and feelings. So yes when the mind and body are not in synch you are bound to feel all over the place emotionally. I mean what would rather do? go skiing or be in pain? Exactly. I can’t imagine the pain you are going through but I can understand the frustration of fighting to live in a body that won’t do what I want it to do. Hope you feel better soon and get to take that skiing trip. A trip to the neurologist sounds like your best idea. Dan reminds me so much of my Gaz. He knows what to do , instinctively when I am not 100%. We are both blessed in that this area of our lives.

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    1. My last ski trip, my last run had several meltdowns in it because I was too tired and in pain. Those were 100% from me being angry about my body. I guess though, I hadn’t even considered that my need to skip skiing could have triggered the meltdown (in part). Thank you for pointing that out, because it makes it a little less scary.
      I can’t even imagine not having a supportive partner through all of this. I know not everyone has one, so it really is a blessing. I’m glad you have one too 🙂

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